Windmill Musings

Thursday was the beginning of the end for my Uncle David. He has had major health issues for many years, could barely eat, and lost his 19 year old daughter 4 years ago in a car accident, so heartbreak has also been part of his life. After his two surviving sons were able to see him Sunday late afternoon, they signed papers to take him off the ventilator. Shortly after, at 5:51 p.m., he passed peacefully and comfortably. I'm sharing this with you because family, no matter how close or far - whether in physical distance or in relationship - is so important. There is a saying: "You can't choose who you are related to but you can choose your family." Yes, we can make anybody our family, but God gave you people to be related to for many purposes both good and bad. Truly, that saying is lacking. I'm growing to hate it - because it allows us to throw people away so non-chalantly. Do I feel a need to distance myself from certain people in my life at times? Yes.  Should I...

I've been using my mornings during the week to prep for some down time due to a simple surgery. From researching writing grants, disability pay, canceling what I don't need in my life, I've still found time for a few moments of peace. To be honest, I'm in a long sleeve shirt, yoga pants (I did my little fifteen minute stretch/breathing exercise), and slippers sitting outside ENJOYING the crisp, cool air. I almost wish it was hot cocoa and not coffee in my mug.  My only concern right now is that the surgery does happen. I have to get a blood test the week before my pre-op to make sure I can have surgery. What concerns me is that for some odd reason they find I can't and my mom has already gotten a plane ticket out here. That is what I'm verbally and internally trying to "let go and let God" this morning. I also realized something unrelated this morning: I used to be a bit of a jealous person. Today, I'm not. I'm happy for the people I know succe...

There is so much bad going on in the world. I don't have time or ability to tackle them all but I can say that, as much as we are in some turmoil in this country, it is a blessing to be here, for now. Not many people live much outside of their place of birth for most of their lives. With travel conveniences, it is much easier to move, explore, etc. In America we truly have every luxury imaginable, and yet we complain about everything around us. We have the ability to change that, or move. Sometimes I feel we just like to complain. I can be representative of that at times, I fully admit it. For years I said I'd never move back to California, and here I am. Never say never, right?? I arrived June 8, 2012. For better or worse, I've stayed now for 9 years. If you know me, I have a healthy love/hate relationship with California. For all the reasons I complained to my previous co-workers, friends, family who some have now left the state, well, they are learning that what I said w...

Change. It's hard. Sometimes we need to, and sometimes we do it for the wrong reasons. No matter who you are, you have CHANGED something in your life since midnight March 17, 2020. EVERYONE I'm certain had to change in some way to deal with our worldwide pandemic. Even though I have the same job and live in the same place, I've had several changes in my life. Some of them for the good, some not so much. I've had mindset changes, diet changes (successes and failures), and mental/emotional/physical/spiritual changes within my person. It has been a very emotional, constricting, conflicting, freedom-loving 17 months. My person right now is screaming to change again, in multiple ways, but I'm both fighting it and trying to usher it in quickly. I'll just talk about two for now that are somewhat related. First, moving forward in my career. I've had a definite "block" when it comes to a dance/teaching portion of my career. In order to move forward though, ...

I've been thinking a lot about grace lately. Paul and other New testament writers, ended their books with a wish of "grace" to their readers. Essentially, I've been pondering God's grace, and how I reflect that to others, and more importantly, how I don't. I don't think any of us can say we've shown grace to someone 100% of the time. I know I haven't and it bothers me so much! Why do I have so many moments of non-grace, or gracelessness? I strive to be a godly person everyday, but I don't have enough appendages to count all the times I'm not graceful in a day (and yes that's a slight dance pun), or just not doing the right things with the right behavior or attitude. Oh, yes, my teetotaler self is both happy and unhappy with the results. Happy to be counting so much, but not happy what it's of. Grace is so important in everything, but especially our relationships. And we all lack at some time - I'd venture to say a lot of the tim...

Right now, I'm close to having verses 14 and 15 memorized. But I just tested myself by writing it out. Almost perfect the first time! Why is it that writing something down is so much easier for me than speaking it aloud! It took me a tenth of the time to speak it vs write it. My gift is surely not public speaking. I have struggled in all our all-star tests because of this. I stay positive but I know if I can write it, I'd get the highest marks! But that isn't what those tests are for; so I've learned to use them to improve, even just 1%, my speaking ability in public.  My body is still in recovery mode, and that's good. Not good that I still have aches and pains - new ones - but I know that my body is actively healing. I also got 8.5 hours of sleep last night, when my average is 5-6. 7hrs are good days. But in those 8.5 hours, I did not get up once! Not even to go to the bathroom or feel my feet cramping! I was knocked out truly. I'd only taken 1 ibuprofen at 7:...

I'm memorizing 2 Timothy 3:14-17 this morning/this week (1 Thessalonians 4:16-18 is next). It's a verse that came up in my Bible study yesterday. I'm led to keep it in memory, because I know that it's a reason why so many, including Christians, are lost in this world. It was such a good reminder for me, and it's one I'm taking to heart. That's what we do, right? We are taught to memorize the important things. From a very early age, it's how we learn all the things we need, especially right from wrong. Some things are inherent like hot and cold, some things aren't like sharing or being polite. However, some I've seen know these things early, but other things they need to be taught that others already know. We are all born different, and with different gifts. I can go on a lengthy rant on this subject and how this world is forcing difference in ways it's not needed, but I don't have time for that. What I do have time for is to say that I...

The people I live with - my "roommates" as they like to be called - were on a cross country trip for 5 weeks earlier this summer. After the first 10 days, I finally started to consistently use the backyard to eat whether it was breakfast, lunch, dinner, or even to just have a cup of coffee, wine or a cocktail. I've been here 7 years and I always kinda thought it was her space. I realized then however that it could be shared, and she's okay with me sharing it with her. Now, almost every morning I'm out here with my breakfast for at least 1/2 an hour, sometimes over an hour. It is a new habit, post-quarantine, that I'm so glad I've kept. I really do need to find my own place - but affording it on my income right now is not in question. It has nothing to do with what I get paid, but everything to do with how expensive it is here. I have also come to realize that even with the possibility of becoming a business owner in the next few years, does not guarantee t...