Change is scary, and my first surgery

Change. It's hard. Sometimes we need to, and sometimes we do it for the wrong reasons. No matter who you are, you have CHANGED something in your life since midnight March 17, 2020. EVERYONE I'm certain had to change in some way to deal with our worldwide pandemic.

Even though I have the same job and live in the same place, I've had several changes in my life. Some of them for the good, some not so much. I've had mindset changes, diet changes (successes and failures), and mental/emotional/physical/spiritual changes within my person. It has been a very emotional, constricting, conflicting, freedom-loving 17 months.

My person right now is screaming to change again, in multiple ways, but I'm both fighting it and trying to usher it in quickly. I'll just talk about two for now that are somewhat related.

First, moving forward in my career. I've had a definite "block" when it comes to a dance/teaching portion of my career. In order to move forward though, I have to complete two "exsms." Though I'm on my way to completing them, it's hard not to beat myself up for not doing them sooner.

Second, is my first surgery. It should come sometime during the week of September 20, and it's on my foot. It's not just bunion surgery, it's also resetting my toes on my left foot. It has progressed to that point (borderline severe), any worse and I'd have to have major foot surgery. And it hurts almost non-stop. It's something I've lived with for too long, and complained about for too long. So I'm fixing it.

But I've never undergone any kind of surgery, and I'm scared. There are so many who have had this surgery and it's been such a blessing. The stories I read of people exercising and dancing, and just even feeling more balanced is so encouraging! But I've also read the horror stories of it not working, or not helping, or even making it worse. Those are the ones that scare me. My livelihood is threatened. What if something goes wrong??? I'm doing this surgery half for me and a less painful foot/ankle/leg, but also to help me move forward in my career and maybe even dance better. I only did rise n fall in my Waltz demo today, and immediately felt pain again. I'm very flat-footed when I dance now, and that's the reason why.

But I'm changing in that I'm not staying with my status quo; I can't let this keep on keeping me from moving forward, and that's what it's doing. I'm conquering my fear of surgery, of succeeding, of change and getting it taken care of. Because if it works, there is no stopping myself, there are no more excuses that I can make to not move forward.

It still scares me though, and I pray about daily now and release that fear to the One who has handled all our fears. So as silly as it is to say I'm afraid and at peace at the same time, that's exactly how I feel. I'm human after all. But I have a BIG God that can do BIG things, so I trust in Him and He gives me peace.

It is beautiful tonight, quiet, peaceful and I've made friends with a hummingbird. He'll linger near me a few moments to get my attention, stay a few seconds, then to the bush. It's a bit surreal but so comforting and just very cool.

I hope you're having a great evening, and that it has rejuvenated you for the week ahead.

Lots of love,

Tiffany 💋