New habits, research, wine, and dance

The people I live with - my "roommates" as they like to be called - were on a cross country trip for 5 weeks earlier this summer. After the first 10 days, I finally started to consistently use the backyard to eat whether it was breakfast, lunch, dinner, or even to just have a cup of coffee, wine or a cocktail. I've been here 7 years and I always kinda thought it was her space. I realized then however that it could be shared, and she's okay with me sharing it with her. Now, almost every morning I'm out here with my breakfast for at least 1/2 an hour, sometimes over an hour.

It is a new habit, post-quarantine, that I'm so glad I've kept. I really do need to find my own place - but affording it on my income right now is not in question. It has nothing to do with what I get paid, but everything to do with how expensive it is here. I have also come to realize that even with the possibility of becoming a business owner in the next few years, does not guarantee that I'll have the income to afford a one bedroom place. One bedroom/one bathroom apartments or condos start at $1,800 a month, and those are not usually nice ones. You're looking at over $2k for those. It's just so outside the normal income, it is no wonder that this state is going to you know where. I know I have it good where I am; but it is not a permanent solution.

I've been doing a lot of research, mostly through my phone but some through my laptop - just a few minutes at a time - for different things. By the way, a few minutes is a feat for me not because I don't like it but because I love it! I force myself to only research for a few minutes so I don't give all my time to it. Certain subjects that I've researched a lot (like wine, wine tasting, vacationing, etc.) go pretty fast now because I know how to focus my research better. But right now I'm researching writing/work grants, down payment/retirement savings, if there is even a possibility of moving out of my room here, small business loans, and where I could even survive being independent (work, home, social). My boss would like it if I was in Morgan Hill (well, at least I think they still do but honestly, I'd be a little wary of me at the moment - I was really punchy before vacation), but that's as bad as San Jose rent or mortgage-wise. Gilroy isn't much better and I really don't want to live there unless its in the nicer outer area subdivisions. I'd have to go to Hollister, and that's not really ideal either and getting closer to Morgan Hill rates. 

What my research is telling me is that I'm better off anywhere outside of California. Ha! and Yikes! Because here, to stay with the "you shouldn't pay for more than 25% of your monthly income for rent or mortgage," I'd have to make $10,000 a month AFTER taxes. And that's my rent being $2,500/per month which is barely a 2 bedroom, 2 bath if you can find it. I love what I do and I get paid well for what I do - but it isn't that. And it won't be that as a business owner. I'm at a loss at how I can move forward here; but I can move forward better here than anywhere else. It is a vicious, vicious, very unfair cycle - and why I'm not surprised in the least or blame anyone in the least who have moved in droves out of state. It is so far gone, I'm not sure recalling the governor and all the legislators and legislations can fix even a tenth of what's wrong in this state! And I'm sorry, whether you're a democrat or a republican, doesn't matter - the governing of this state has been very bad for very long, you make your own assumptions on party responsibility. I won't go there - but it should be clear to EVERYONE this state is going down, and not up. Do not fool yourself just because you align with a certain party.

But I choose to live here so I choose to accept the above. I can't really complain about it because I'm choosing to stay. My family is close by; my best chance to further my career is here; the mountains/beach/desert/forest is all within 3 hour or less drive; the premier spots for wine tasting is within 3 hrs of me, too. I can go on little day trips and be on vacation. There's a lot that the physical state offers - that's why people love it here. But people can hate it so much because of the government and income-to-living ratio that they leave. And that is becoming more the norm. Yet, prices are skyrocketing, homelessness is rampant, and we go into more debt.

Do you know that I don't use credit cards? I pay cash. Partially, it is because I wasn't responsible with them - I admit that. But once I did my research (not just Dave Ramsey follower) and created better habits, I realized that credit cards should not be used period. I hate that with my research that I may have to own a credit card again when I become a business owner. I hate it. I've now educated myself on all the fine print of credit cards. They are sooooo bad! Why did we think buying everything on credit was a good thing???? If we don't have the money to buy it, then we shouldn't buy it. Buy now, pay later. Look, truthfully, at where it has gotten us. It is not a pretty sight - I challenge you to really do your research. Points for vacations, if you can't pay off your credit card, only keeps you in debt and that burden over you - unless you make $10k plus a month and can pay the balance off - not at the end of the month - but right away. Otherwise, accidents, emergencies happen to everyone. You can't see them coming either.

My vacation was paid for - all cash. No credit cards. I saved, and then used part of my paycheck to pay for everything. I did a no-no, too. I really needed to go on vacation so I used part of my emergency fund to cover my rent for August since I hadn't saved enough up. I'll need to put that back - quickly - and build my emergency fund to at least 4 months worth by the end of the year. I may be out of work for a few months fixing some physical issues so I can function more efficiently and for longer in my career, but even more importantly for my life span. Not everything is about my job; this is also about making sure I take care of now, what later would be much harder to take care of. But I can sit here and say that other than Ally bank holding my car note, I owe no one nothing and all the money that said goodbye to me on vacation is in someone else's bank account - not growing interest that I have to pay on a credit card.

I fully admit that I also need to take care of my hormonal and clear weight problem. I am technically okay health-wise but I am bordering on not being so. I hate exercising; I'm on my feet all day but I could have more energy if I could drop just 15 lbs of the 45 I need to; I also let my weak ankles, bad/very much hurting feet, and back issues hold me back. I need to somehow get motivated to fix them. I have started; I have a surgery consult on Friday morning. It's the third one in the last 11 years - and they've all said the same thing. I just need to be sure currently that there is no other way to get better. But its time for it not to be a problem and for me to not "get by" or "continue to be used to" - clearly, its getting worse and at the stage that something has to be done. Painkillers, massages, epsom salts don't fix bone issues. They just cover them up. I have had enough of covering up things.

I have always loved writing and dance. It is clear, however, that I was and am still a little burned out on both. Yes, my vacation helped. I do feel much more motivated. Yes, I'm blogging and writing, and yes I'm teaching dance everyday, but I'm not enjoying them like I used to or how I want to again. I do have an inkling of why that is, but some of it is completely out of my control. I can do a lot and make a lot happen, but there are things that right now I have no part or say in. And that's not a bad thing - it just is. And some of what I can control I made bad decisions earlier in my career (both writing and dance) and am behind in completing. I need certain testing and exams to go to the next level - and I'm 45 and don't want to take anymore exams, dance or otherwise. But it is necessary and it is something I can control so I can make it right. At the moment, that is my current goal - outside of my physical issue.

Today, will be an even better day than yesterday. I breathed more today (still doing my yogaish breathing technique and making sure God is in the center of it), let go of what I can't control today, and putting everything in God's hands. I'm going into today with open heart, open mind, my thoughts down on paper - well, the internet "paper" - and released so I can go about the business that is brought to me today.

I hope that you have a lovely day, and week, in case I don't blog again this week. Enjoy your life today no matter your situation. 

Lots of love,

Tiffany 💋