Vacation October 2026

 It's been a weird year....and I think I've said that about the last two years. Anyway, I'm finally on a real vacation now and I'm feeling unburdened. Work creeps into my mind a bit at times but I quickly shut it off. I can't worry about my job or career right now or anymore. I can't worry about all the things that I'm not in control of or the things that I am in control of that I miss or mess up. I am human, and I am very hard on myself. Harder than my franchisees would be on me if they held me more accountable - which is why I think they don't when they could because they know me enough that they know I've already beat myself up enough. But I can't worry about that either.

I had a mental break, and I'm healing from it. This week I have an opportunity to be somewhere that meant a lot to me and has people here that would support me to my dying day. I also love this place. I had been drawn to it first because I wanted to go to college here. As a junior in high school, I had the opportunity to visit Indiana, visiting my step grandparents and then coming down to IU. They had recently moved back here from California, and my stepdad was raised here, further north. That trip to Bloomington was memorable and meaningful to this day. I fell in love with Bloomington instantly. I didn't want to leave, at all. I wanted to move here right away. It wasn't God's plan though; I'd have to wait four more years - but I did know without a doubt I'd live here.

And I did for 1 month shy of 16 years exactly. Yes, I miss it. All the time. But I don't regret my move back to California. I got 9 1/2 really special years with my brother. And as hard as it was and is in other ways living in California, I will never regret moving to CA when I did. And believe me, there have been some real doozy lessons I've learned and life experiences that have left me speechless. Because of the time with my brother before he passed, time with other family especially my grandma, niece and nephews, and then reconnecting with high school friends, and meeting a few good friends, I don't regret it.

And yes, I think I'll come back to Bloomington one day - I don't think it'll be soon, but I'm pretty certain that I'll at least retire here - and grin and bear the weather. I will never like thunderstorms, ever. Sixteen years of it did not help me get used to it. But I'll deal with it just to live here again - someday.

Back to my vacation though. This one has been more relaxed though it's hard to see my stepdad in the shape he's in. It's hard to see my parents go though this - but it's also a beautiful thing to see. To see two people that have stuck together through all of the ups and downs of life, marraige, families, and coming out caring for each other, supporting each other and living the best way they can. I will not go into details - we all age and get illnesses and injuries that we have to deal with on our own, or with help. And I'm appreciative that God gave me my mom and my stepdad. They have and are so important to who I was, am and will be. 

But though, again, I use my vacation to come here and not explore another country, state, city, beach, etc., I don't feel I'm missing out. I'll get to those places - someday. I'm also so lucky that my job has taken me international in the last 3 years. I'm so, so lucky for that. But being here, a place that was and still is so important to me, is what I needed. I even hate that it's already Tuesday. I want time to slow down a bit. Wednesday marks the second half of my vacation week, and I'm not ready to go down that hill yet. 

I will only get to see my best friend and another best friend (well, I already did) this time, but spending this time in my parents' house - watching tv, cooking, visiting with them - is the most important this time. Eventually I won't have them and living over 2,000 miles away over the year is rough. But my life is still in California right now, so these vacation weeks just have to be enough for now.

I know it's a pipe dream, but as I work on my novel at times this week, I'm praying that my characters, my story, my writing personality gets received well by editors soon, and I become so successful that I can live both places while writing other novels and short stories, etc. And even have time to travel the world more! Yes, it's such an unrealistic dream - but I'm still going to pursue it, while I pursue the current one with Arthur Murray. I don't know what the future holds for me - God keeps it pretty close to His vest - but I'll keep healing and getting myself back and then being the best version of myself that I can be. We'll see what happens next.