It's been awhile, but I'm back

I've started to write the follow-up to my first novel even though the first one isn't published yet. Why? Because writing is a part of me that makes me share and focus and celebrate my authentic self. And I haven't been doing it, so it shows.

Without going into too much detail, I had a hard last week. I ended up off work for 80% of the week as I dealt with a non-work issue that had complications from all aspects of my life, including work. Every little issue I'd had with anything was magnified so I had to take a break to care for myself - which of course added the emotion of guilt for having to do so, which in turn added to the negativity that I was in at the time. Yeah, it was a vicious cycle.

I'm sharing all this because if nothing else, I've learned to be transparent and authentic when I'm in my right mind to do so (and I wasn't in my right mind to do so until literally today). Ninety percent of the time when I share something I'm learning and am vulnerable about something, I usually have at least a few people in my life reach out and feel validated for their own feelings - as if they needed the okay to feel some way or be struggling, too. I like helping people so that makes me feel good. I think that we all, in my opinion, should strive to help someone daily. I'm bad at this but I want to be better and make it a daily habit.

As I watch one of the coolest interviews I've ever watched (Macklin Celebrini and Belmont Cameli for The Hollywood Report - seriously, go watch it on YouTube), I'm writing this and having a good conversation with my roommate who is taking a personal day and going to hang out with a friend. It was a good unplanned, conversation between two adults that have seen some of the same things in their lives and able to talk about them. It was nice - and it was timely. Sometimes I get up and run from the moment I set foot out of bed - first, at home doing things, then at work doing everything - even when I'm not great with every hat I have to wear, I still have to wear every hat. So, some days are really fun, and some days so are not. But essentially, I still enjoy my job and career. 

I digress slightly - back to the interview and how it reminded me that at one time I wanted to be a journalist, writing stories about news and people for knowledge, inspiration and entertainment, and then the natural achievement of novel writing for those things as well. One of my two big life dreams. It made me reflect on how I've accomplished some dreams, how I've been scared to even start others, how I've gone off course so much, and what it would take to pursue the ones I still want. And I want to still be a writer - in every sense of the word. My current career and the dream of being a writer isn't impossible - but it is hard to find the time to do both when both require a lot of time. I already don't sleep well. How can I knowingly add to the lack of it I already have?

Anyway, I'm going to try, so I started the first chapter of the second book of my Murder Mystery story - that will probably fall under the genre of Young Adult novels. I may never become a known, sought-after New York Times Bestselling Author, but I know I need to somehow share the stories, characters, and creativeness that is inherently me to someone outside of myself - even if that's ever only to family and friends. 

And as I say this, I realize that published or not, I CAN say that I've written a novel. It's 237 pages and 105,000 plus words in Microsoft Word. I wrote a novel. And just that is an accomplishment that I can celebrate.

I'm going to celebrate that as I'm continuing my characters story - and get back to one of the things that makes me truly ME and keeps me saner than I've been lately. We all have outlets to help us deal with a lot of the issues we have to overcome. I haven't been using mine and it showed. That changes today - Thursday, September 10 at 10:32 a.m. 

You can hold me accountable.

Link to Celebrini/Cameli interview: Celebrini and Cameli interview