Windmill Musings

The more I think about it, the more I know that we almost beat ourselves, vs the Cowboys almost beat us. Don't get me wrong; I think the Cowboys are a good team - but our game plan shut them down in the first half. That was evident. However, a team like that is gonna be scrappy in a playoff game in their own stadium, and we had two big defensive mistakes, an offensive mistake and two offensive missed opportunities to help them fight back. That allowed the Cowboys life and back in the game. Then their QB and center made a huge mistake. In conclusion, Shanahan & Ryan's game plan was better than McCarthy and Quinn. That should've been a 38-3 game, Niners. Instead, it was a 23-17, Niners. Those five Niner mistakes made that difference. They can't do that next week in Green Bay. However, since I need to dream right now, I'm looking at a Buc/Niners or total NFC West championship game. I mean, wouldn't that be the coolest??? Jimmy G vs Brady, or Brady vs. Bosa, War...

Grief is just not something you really know until you experience it. It is a part of life that we all will experience at some point. We all each handle it differently from each other, and with each person we lose. It is not taught though - probably because it can't be. I've been sitting here this morning, half done with my PT exercises, and I'm just thinking how much it's affected me that I could never have imagined. I'm not crying right now; I'm feeling a little more energy - at least enough to take care of the urgent things - and yet I know that I am not "me." I'm just not. And as much as I try to tell myself I'm okay, I'm just not. I don't mean that I'm just depressed or in a pit of despair; I'm not me. There's always been that little seed of joy in me; that little thing that sets me apart from others that just can't see the positive. I've ALWAYS been able to tap into that at some point. This time, I can't eve...

Today was just an odd or a bad day - I don't know which one yet. My second PT appointment went well, albeit much more painful. I have more PT exercises to perform on my own and am thankful I don't go back until Friday. Then two things happened to cause me anxiety, but they were because of unhappy people who don't want to do their jobs, so I won't go into that detail. So, when I finally got home at 12:30ish, I just needed to take a nap. I did, but I woke up off and on crying. I have NEVER been this way before. I don't remember what I dreamed about, but I woke up with tears down my face, a warm face, and feeling sad and anxious. At 3 p.m. I was able to be calm and just focused on getting ready for work. I felt that I had finally gotten myself together and was okay. Realistically, I was just so zapped of energy. I found that out when I was being asked questions by our new (yet old) staff member, and I just couldn't answer them very quickly or with a good manner. I ...

I'm frustrated right now. Why? Because the wifi just won't connect to my laptop. It did the same thing for my apple laptop, too. It just wouldn't connect sometimes. I don't know why. Dan doesn't know why. It just won't. The password is the same, the wifi works on other laptops, tvs, phones...but somehow, at the most frustrating times, my laptop just won't connect, so I can't use it in that way. A lot of times I'd go to a different room or just get closer to the router, and it'd connect; but sometimes it won't. It wouldn't tonight, no matter what I did. But I still wanted to type this blog so I am now on my phone, the way I DIDNT want to type this but oh well, right? Anyway, I digress. It's a new year but it's not necessarily new, or better, or whatever. The date has just changed over. That's all. The horrible things that happened in 2021 are still there, they didn't magically disappear. They came with me/us into 2022, and ...