Windmill Musings

Today was long and emotional. It's technically Day 28, exactly 4 weeks after surgery. I got 50/50 news yesterday, and  disappointed along with my Dr. In fact, it's more swollen today than it has been. I was supposed to be weight baring by now. I'm not very close. He was encouraging though saying if I keep on the new meds that the swelling would go down. I'm not seeing that yet. But I'm reminded to be patient and persistent in understanding that surgery is a big deal. Though it doesn't seem like it, this surgery is a big deal. The real reason though that I'm blogging is to speak my anxiety and fear our though - I am quite literally scared. All I can see is my foot swell WAY more than even yesterday. I had to go to the internet to hopefully calm myself and see pics of what the foot should look like after 3, 4, 6 weeks, etc. Luckily I found a couple that's where I'm at...but ONLY  a couple. The others - even harsher bunions - looked way better than my f...

So...my foot hurts today. I had a few days of relief but this morning I woke up with a hurting foot. Had to take 2 ibuprofen so my two little projects for today may not happen. However, I can lay down, elevate/ice my foot, and type on my phone so here's a little wine blog for you. But I havevto say I'm looking forward to be able to walk on two feet again, even though the physical therapy process may be painful. I can't wait to be a functioning member of society working and traveling again, dancing and wine tasting again. For now, I can give my experience and opinion. So here goes... Topic: Wines I've had you can't go wrong with for anyone 1. Smith & Hook Cabernet Sauvignon and Red Proprietary Blend. Mom and I had a glass of the Red Proprietary Blend (their GSM) at Il Fornai in Carmel. It inspired me to visit Hahn winery and try others. Out of the Hahn and Smith & Hook wines, their Cab really stood out. In fact I liked it more! These wines hail from the Centr...

In the last few weeks - about 7 to be exact - there's been some personal bad things for me. From my uncles passing suddenly, to my dad being in the hospital with Covid, and now my friends and my parents good friends battling the same, plus a new friends parents battling cancer as she battles fatigue and mental health being in the Healthcare field, it's been rough emotionally. I can handle it because I have a big God, but this constant tug on my heart for people I care about makes it harder. Put aside my personal situation, I really am not liking how my family and friends are hurting right now. 💔  It's life though. Each of us go through times like these and even much, much worse times than these. These past two years have tested all of us. They've shown us who is in our corner truly, and who isn't; how much we care about someone or something, and how much we don't; how we react to things good or bad, and how much we don't. The greatest travesty from these la...

Today, I'm rejoicing but also still praying. I didn't see a post - or many from a group I belong to - about a very good friend's illness until yesterday. He'd been in the hospital about 5 days at that point with Covid pneumonia. But yesterday he was taken back to ICU. With a lot of prayer, this morning he is doing much, much better. He isn't out of the woods yet but there is hope. However, yesterday I was so scared of losing my friend. We all have those handfuls of people we meet that just are so special to us and he and his wife are two of those for me. If anything happens to them, I'd be devastated. Yes, they are those people. So, so special. It put my voluntary situation in perspective - as I cry writing this. Just the thought of anything happening to them makes me emotional. Right now, I'm laying down because my feet - yes, both - hurt from getting ready this morning. I won't go into the details of what I have to do but suffice it to say I can't ...

Well, though it was all in all good news, I'm laid up for two more weeks. I know it was wishful thinking to get my stitches out today and start putting weight on my foot but I was really hoping and praying for it. Alas, no go yet. It is doing very well but it's not healed enough - and due to how it was worse then expected, he said it's better than it should be. So I am encouraged by that. The fact that all three doctors came in to "marvel" at it is also a good, but also weird sign.  I did not take a picture of it, though I was tempted. It has two incisions: one small one between my big two and second toe, then a long on from my big toe to past my knuckle towards the inside of my foot. Through the swelling and the dried medicine what I don't remember seeing since I was a kid: a straight toe and foot. Wow! It was so different! I'm looking forward to seeing it when it's completely healed. But it looked a bit like Frankenstein and, well, I'm kinda glad...

Today begins the next emotional stage of this - no mom to help anymore. It's all me. Yes, I'm very independent but it was so nice having her here. It was such a blessing, and it was much needed mother/daughter time.  But I dropped her off at the airport this morning to go back home to Indiana (prayers for safe travel are appreciated). But I've already "released" (cried) so I got the uncertainties that now cone flooding with the idea of "no help" out of my system. Yes, I do live with people that can help me but it's really not the same. I am obliged to help myself more than depend on them. Though I let those insecurities go and can handle myself - even putting in my scooter into my car and hopping in the driver's seat - they will be there for awhile. Tomorrow is my post-op appt. Tomorrow I get to see my foot and how it is healing. Tomorrow I get to know how much physical therapy I need. Tomorrow I realized starts a true real new chapter in my life...

"A year from now you'll be happy you started today" is a meme I just reposted in my story on Instagram and Facebook. It's something I'm reminding myself of daily right now. I need to. I made a decision that has pulled me out of life for a moment, and its still scary. At this moment, my foot is hurting again lying on my bed at 11:03 a.m. I just took a Percoset because I know it isn't an Aleve kinda hurt. I really want to not have to take the P-word anymore but I do tonight. And every time I take it, I wonder of somethings wrong or if it's just all part of the healing process, that I'm supposed to feel this way in this moment of the process. But those little negative Nellie's start to dance in my head again - is there something wrong? Did a stich or stitches come out? Is the screw not healing well? Did the screw move from where it's supposed to? Is my wrap too tight? Is my foot suffocating? And many others. Deep down, I know only slightly confide...