Emotions do go in stages, what 3 days in Monterey taught me

"A year from now you'll be happy you started today" is a meme I just reposted in my story on Instagram and Facebook. It's something I'm reminding myself of daily right now. I need to. I made a decision that has pulled me out of life for a moment, and its still scary.

At this moment, my foot is hurting again lying on my bed at 11:03 a.m. I just took a Percoset because I know it isn't an Aleve kinda hurt. I really want to not have to take the P-word anymore but I do tonight. And every time I take it, I wonder of somethings wrong or if it's just all part of the healing process, that I'm supposed to feel this way in this moment of the process.

But those little negative Nellie's start to dance in my head again - is there something wrong? Did a stich or stitches come out? Is the screw not healing well? Did the screw move from where it's supposed to? Is my wrap too tight? Is my foot suffocating? And many others. Deep down, I know only slightly confidently that everything is ok. 

It is day 10 though and I still can't see my foot and what's going on under there. Why at night when I'm almost asleep does it hurt like clockwork still? Why does my toe spasm? Too many questions.

Then I am reminded somehow that this decision to fix my foot wasn't "elective" - I'd let it get too bad. I could still walk, yes, but I was dangerously close to really injuring myself - and the way the surgery didn't go as expected but longer and harder for my Dr's reminds me it was a good decision and time.

But we always question, don't we? At least those like me do. It's our Achilles here in life. I'm doing better, but I still overthink more than I should. The last 3 days though, God blessed me through a little trip.

On day 7, my mom took us to Monterey to a superb hotel, and definitely a splurge for us. We were treated very well, and as the ocean is mom and Is go to for peace and quiet, it did not disappoint. But what was truly the "surprise" of the week was that everyone we met knew exactly what I was going through. SO MANY PEOPLE were put in my path to share my experience to encourage me - except one.

And it was that one that washed almost everything away. Her negative experience though she "did everything right, but it didn't take so they had to re-do it" took the breath our of me. I felt deflated after that conversation. I tried to lift myself up, I told my mom knowing she'd encourage me, but I still felt deflated. I felt I was doing everything right but still hurting. What if I'm like her?

Though there were four positives before her 1 negative, hers stood out more - until one chance encounter, the sixth, turned it around. We returned from dinner but I was just wanting to stay out a bit so I went outside to the back of the hotel that opened to the ocean to just chill and try to forget the morning's depressive conversation. I'd wheeled my scooter to the same place another couple was going. She sat before she saw me but then reized and said, "We can share, this is the best place to view." I did and continued to the same grouping if seats. She said almost imnediately, "I can guess a bit of what you might be going through, but I'm curious on your foot injury. Is it a bunionectomy or something else."

This time, I didn't just say yes. I said, " I'm a ballroom dance instructor and I let my bunion get too bad that they had to put a screw in my toe, too."

She said, "Oh honey, first let me say I know its not fun but it gets better. Did you wake up screaming in pain at night?"

"Yes," I said.

"Then don't beat yourself up, you did the right thing. It'll hurt for awhile, but it will go away, I promise. And you will be so happy that you did." 

We talked a little more and later I thanked her for speaking up and being candid on her entire experience, sharing then about my concerns from that mornings very opposite conversation. 

"Do not listen to her. Yes, you don't know how it's healing right now but you can't dwell on that. I have a feeling everything is going to be great for you. Your studios will be fine, and I think you are a person whose students are supportive. I don't know you I know, but from what I do, you're gonna be alright. Just hang in there. Both way, the stitches coming out is pretty cool."

This is a bit paraphrased but I remember a lot of what she said. Her husband wasn't there for most of the color but he supported her encouragements. And I really needed to hear it.

There was a 7th and 8th person who I came in contact with that seemed also to "know" I had a bunionectomy, but she was the one that really helped right my little swaying ship from tipping over.

So in 3 days in Monterey, 8 people knew exactly my injury, only 1 had a negative affect. But that one almost cancelled out the other 7. Thank you #6!

Anyway, I'm tired finally. Well, I've been tired. Up and around for even an hour, my body is compensating for my one injured foot. The scooter helps a lot, don't get me wrong. However, my left knee on the pad is starting to get a little bruise, and my right side is still holding most of my weight. I tire easily even with the scooter. So I take my breaks and prop my foot above my heart, ice it without getting it wet, and sometimes that's enough. Other times, like now, its Percoset to the rescue for the pain and to sleep.

I hope my experiences with this current life situation is educational, and uplifting. It's not Covid, or other more serious surgeries or health events, but its something I hope I am using in a positive way to help people see they aren't aline, and how to look at the positive side of a negative situation. That is my hope in sharing this with you.

Have a lovely weekend, and remember to live each moment, be in each moment 100% of your life.

Lots of love,

Tiffany 💋