Vacation, and dealing with Guilt

Two weeks from today exactly, I'll be headed to Oregon with my grandmother to visit some of her family for part of my vacation. I haven't spent time with them like this truly since my mom, grandmother and I loaded up in my 1972 Mercury Cougar and moved me to Indiana to go to college - that was late July 1996, 25 years ago. Though we'll only get about 2 1/2 to 3 days to visit, it is more than overdue. I'm truly looking forward to it.

But it wasn't my original plan. I really wanted a week to go anywhere with a beach, a spa, all-inclusive. Though I've been "lucky" to enjoy 3 day weekends for the past year or so, it's not the same as going on vacation. When I was in Shaver Lake at a family's cabin the week after Christmas, I was working virtually. Now, don't think I didn't appreciate the opportunity to work from such a beautiful place from a generous offer - but I was still working at the part of the day and night that you want to go out and explore. What people forget is that to do my job, I sacrifice afternoons and evenings every weekday. I may have mornings but people don't want to meet for dinner or visits usually in the morning. They want to go after work. They also want to take dance lessons after work. Social life isn't impossible but its harder than most jobs. Dating has to be done on weekends. I can't tell you how many times I've met guys in person or online that my work schedule stopped me from dating a perfectly good man. But I'm not going to quit my job just to go on a date. Who would do that anyway?

I just knew, with all that is going on in this world and has for the past 17 months, that I needed to take a true break. I love teaching, and I enjoy my job, but it takes a toll. And I never wanted to full-time teach forever. My plan was always to get to a point that I could go into management, eventually open a school, and pass that all on to the next generation. That will happen (unless I win the lottery -- ha ha!), but it can't happen now. Without any emotion from me on this truth - all of our staff left. They had their very valid reasons. But it left us very, very short-staffed. However, I've been in this business for almost 20 years, my franchisees for at least that and more. We know how to do what we need to do to service our students. At 45 years though, I had planned to be the franchisee with a new staff who were excited to train to be great teachers and dancers, etc. I am not that person yet; but I am willing and remarkably able to full-time teach 8-10 lessons a day, and wear my other hats of specialist, counselor, supervisor, teacher, coach, etc. 

But it takes a toll on you due to how much you give to people everyday because they aren't there just for dancing, they are there to be filled from a world that just took everything from them. That is your job when they walk through the door. My job to keep my sanity in it all is to recognize when I need to go away. Even with three day weekends, I need to go away.

Everything I originally thought just didn't pan out. I also was so indecisive. I could and wanted to do anything and everything. I still have a budget to keep so I also needed to not break the bank. When I decided to drive there, immediately I thought of my family in Oregon, and my second cousin Cheryl who loves to go wine tasting like me. I think it was the best idea because it opened up the chance to spend precious time with my grandmother since its her family. Once she agreed to go with me, it was easier to book and make decisions.

But then I knew that driving 7 1/2 hours over one day was going to take a toll - and I need to do it twice. I knew I had to use the first part of my vacation to really relax and be ready for such heavy travel. Originally, I told myself to stay put and just do daily things locally. That didn't sit well though. What is a vacation if you don't go and do something you couldn't normally do? So I tried to even find little 4 day, 3 night getaways to Cabo, San Diego, LA, Calistoga, but nothing came up really enticing or it was way too expensive for such a short stay. My backup was Pacific Grove (and I'd be perfectly happy there) but I always go there. 

My attention turned south and I decided on Paso Robles. Not only can I go wine tasting and have spa times (there's a hot springs there somewhere) but there's a light installment in the country side and great beaches (Avila, Pismo, Morro Bay, Moonstone, Cambria) that are only 40 minutes away. Though the light installation looks like its already booked for tickets, I'm still going to try to see it from somewhere.

I'm truly excited for it. I'm only giving myself Saturday to do laundry and pack, and I'm leaving early (by 9 a.m.) Sunday morning to head to Paso. I'll be there for two nights but I'm open to staying three if I need to. From there, I head to LB to pick up my grandmother then head to Oregon.

Guilt. Yep, its a toxic friend of mine. As soon as I booked all the hotel rooms and set up some wine tastings, and looked at my road map to both places, my old friend Guilt stopped by for a visit. I always feel guilty doing things like this for myself when I know it isn't the best time or thing to go. This time, it's mainly that we have no staff to support me. Juan and Cari are awesome - it's their studios so they will do what they need to keep them going - but I'm their only staff and I'm leaving for a week. I rarely have a lesson block open. Our studios are only open a few days each because we can't staff one for a full week. So yeah, guilt had set in. It tried hard to stay, too. It keeps knocking. 

But I know what Juan and Cari would say - its ok, you deserve it, go. Still, Guilt is always there trying to tell me, "it's not a good time," "you have to work harder before you can go," "you don't have enough money to do what you really want to do so you need to work so you don't feel guilty spending the money (even though you had a sinking fund for this and that's what you saved it for!)" "you haven't gotten enough students back yet" or the biggest one "you had three day weekends, and still only work a half day on Mondays, you don't need a vacation." Yikes!

But I also know better than to let Guilt stay or to open the door. I know taking a vacation is not a bad thing. I know that my bosses can handle it. I ow that we will have two fully staffed studios soon. I know that I saved up enough to pay for a hotel room and for little things (though I will need some of my next paycheck to make sure I'm not worried about money the whole time, which I've already earmarked a number). I know that students are coming back; they keep calling/texting/emailing they want to come back and what time they'll be ready. I know I had three day weekends for awhile, but it was in the process of rebuilding two businesses so that took a toll. Guilt doesn't stay around long anymore. He's there but not upfront.

I hope that whatever you do for work, that whatever helps you be able to do it everyday is something that you allow yourself without feeling guilt. Work hard, play when you need. I hate that saying work hard, play hard. You shouldn't have to play hard. You should at least enjoy some of your work so you want to work hard on it. Then give yourself time to enjoy your form of play when you can and when you need to - but don't let yourself get so far from having enough time to regularly unwind that you always have to "play hard."

Anyway, I'm headed to work now. I hope you have a lovely day, rest of your week and this weekend!

Lots of love,

Tiffany 💋