Guiding/guarding, and Me!!!

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I dog sat, cat sat, and house sat this weekend. It had been a very busy week and another emotional one. I think I did better in hiding it and guiding it (not just hiding, I promise), but I'll never be sure 100%. I had struggles with my attitude at times, but I also think I did better in not letting them get out of control, too much. I did make one slip up; one I didn't mean but the words came out any way. Every day is a day that I have to gauge almost every behavior I have, and that I'm not proud of most of them.

And that's it, that's the thing right now for me: controlling what I can over a day. And every day is different in what is hard. Nothing really is the same kind of hard. I've said a few times to a few select people that I'm tired, but they misinterpret the meaing of tired. Its not a sleep, work tired. It's a "I'm having to watch everything I do, I say, I act because I'm really, really sad, angry, depressed" and it's all I can do to find a little bit of normal. I've gone about it in the wrong ways most of the time. I may be very near failure in every aspect of my life. But do you know what I'm missing in all this? Me>!!! I'm lost, and have been for more than the last nine months. The last nine months just made it worse, and completely upfront bright and shining and ugly! And I don't like to sing my praises. At all. So, I'm going to flip the script. I need to, and not just try to. So here goes:

I am...or I love...or I like...or I will....you pick which one of these the following goes to in alphabetical order (just kidding, just random order):

Nice

Funny

Jesus

my mom

My parents, my family, my friends

49ers, Hoosiers, SF Giants, Lakers

Imaginative

Creative

Writing

Dancing

Friends

Hosting

Loving

Rom Coms

Marvel movies

Scooby Doo

Waterfalls

Stargazing

Cute

Pretty Eyes

that I'm brunette

Dogs

Sea Otters

Tigers

Sno-Caps

Juju-fruits

Red vines

party planning

throwing parties

traveling

driving

green

beach

ocean

That Lucas proposed to Elizabeth and she said yes!

While You Were Sleeping

Under the Tuscan Sun

Psych

Chuck

Murder She Wrote

Agatha Christie

Nancy Drew/Carolyn Keene

Jason Bourne

Strawberry birthday cake with chocolate icing

Salami

Lamb Chops

resilient

strong

sexy curves

Ralph Lauren boots

Windmills

Kat and Q

painting

Indiana

California (most of it)

Kobe Bryant

wine and wine-tasting, studying wine, etc.

Precious Moments

Shoe figurines

Tulips & Irises

2017 Nissan Rogue

Super corny jokes

aquamarine birthstone

Brian Regan

reflective

think too much

dreams

Hallmark Movies (yes)

walking in the neighborhood leisurely

red shoes

cute purses

helping people

encouraging people

sensitive

cooking

baking

cute nose

Tiffany anything

Breakfast at Tiffany's

Tiffany blue

Audrey Hepburn

Sabrina (both, but the new one had a little more sparkle, and Harrison Ford)

Indiana Jones

Star Wars

art

music

DC Talk

Strawberry milkshakes

treating myself to a nice steak dinner, great glass of wine, and meeting people in the process

being told I'm a stronger person than most because I can be in public by myself and have a good time

meeting new people

enjoying a sunrise or sunset, anywhere

hazel eyes

soft lips

Lavendar vanilla

laughing


I think that's a good start, and I'm tired.

Lots of Love,

Tiffany 💋










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