So much time, so little to do
I had a day yesterday. Well, guess it started the previous evening. You know, what some people have been calling the "Covid-19 Blues." Yeah, I finally got them. Luckily, it was only for a day - but it ended up surprisingly productive for such a depressive 24 hours.
I started to think of all the things I HADN'T DONE in the last 50 days of quarantine. I hadn't kept up with some work things; I hadn't checked in with students enough, or at all; I hadn't finished a story, or poem or book; I hadn't found an essential job during this time; I hadn't helped enough; I hadn't read enough, studied enough, learned enough with the free time; I hadn't lost enough weight; I hadn't done enough self-care; I hadn't prayed enough; I hadn't reached out enough to people; I hadn't, I hadn't, I hadn't!
And this is me. I go to the worst possible thoughts first. I see the flaws in myself first. I'm certain a lot of you are like me, some of you are surprised by this, and others of you are shaking your head up and down and saying "yep, that's her," because you've known me for a long time. However, I know another thing about myself - and that is I have learned to turn those thoughts around faster than I used to....but sometimes it takes a little sign or two or three or four from a friend, while walking in the neighborhood, or two of my favorite movies in a row reminding me of the positive.
So to flip the script, here's what I had done: I have a list of some things to focus on when I go back to work (both my teaching job and new student director job), I stopped checking in daily since it was clear my bosses were and students were taking lessons with them but I still check to keep myself abreast of what is going on; I have restructured 2 books and a short story so they are more publishable when they are done and something I'm more proud of; I stayed quarantined due to who I live with (over 65 years old) to ease their anxiety and mine; I have read 3 books and will have 2 more read by the end of this at least and they've taught me a lot that I've been able to make my priorities better; I have lost 4.3 lbs; I've actually been super consistent at a daily skincare routine that is making my face feel more relaxed and the bags under my eyes less; I have a new prayer list; and that prayer list was from reaching out to people and asking if I could pray for them; and etc, etc, etc.
But probably the biggest of all those is that I've had time to really think about who I am, why I exist, what my purpose is and how to better accomplish it. The next few posts will go more in depth on those. But for tonight, I'm just happy that God reached down and gave me little hugs to remind me of what I was doing well and how much I matter - even when I can't see it.
In the next 24 days, I know I'll have another bad type day but I'm also convinced it won't last long.
I started to think of all the things I HADN'T DONE in the last 50 days of quarantine. I hadn't kept up with some work things; I hadn't checked in with students enough, or at all; I hadn't finished a story, or poem or book; I hadn't found an essential job during this time; I hadn't helped enough; I hadn't read enough, studied enough, learned enough with the free time; I hadn't lost enough weight; I hadn't done enough self-care; I hadn't prayed enough; I hadn't reached out enough to people; I hadn't, I hadn't, I hadn't!
And this is me. I go to the worst possible thoughts first. I see the flaws in myself first. I'm certain a lot of you are like me, some of you are surprised by this, and others of you are shaking your head up and down and saying "yep, that's her," because you've known me for a long time. However, I know another thing about myself - and that is I have learned to turn those thoughts around faster than I used to....but sometimes it takes a little sign or two or three or four from a friend, while walking in the neighborhood, or two of my favorite movies in a row reminding me of the positive.
So to flip the script, here's what I had done: I have a list of some things to focus on when I go back to work (both my teaching job and new student director job), I stopped checking in daily since it was clear my bosses were and students were taking lessons with them but I still check to keep myself abreast of what is going on; I have restructured 2 books and a short story so they are more publishable when they are done and something I'm more proud of; I stayed quarantined due to who I live with (over 65 years old) to ease their anxiety and mine; I have read 3 books and will have 2 more read by the end of this at least and they've taught me a lot that I've been able to make my priorities better; I have lost 4.3 lbs; I've actually been super consistent at a daily skincare routine that is making my face feel more relaxed and the bags under my eyes less; I have a new prayer list; and that prayer list was from reaching out to people and asking if I could pray for them; and etc, etc, etc.
But probably the biggest of all those is that I've had time to really think about who I am, why I exist, what my purpose is and how to better accomplish it. The next few posts will go more in depth on those. But for tonight, I'm just happy that God reached down and gave me little hugs to remind me of what I was doing well and how much I matter - even when I can't see it.
In the next 24 days, I know I'll have another bad type day but I'm also convinced it won't last long.
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