Not what I expected, and possibilities

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Three months ago, I couldn't tell you anything that has happened near me. My Uncle passed suddenly, though he had been ill for years. It started, however, a series of events that have tested me. My first surgery, and the unexpected emotions that came with it. My dad was in the hospital with Covid, and thankfully recovered. A friend beloved by thousands passed die to Covid. I found out my foot wasn't healing and needed a second surgery. My brother is now in the hospital with Covid, and his family are all fighting it. These are the big things; there have been other, smaller unfortunate things.

Through it, I'm realizing something that maybe some of you already know but I was unwilling to see. I have tried to come across as a strong woman, or at least stronger on the surface. I've protected myself in a way by doing this. However, all that comes to the conclusion that I'm sensitive, my heart is sensitive. I know, I should know this by now. You may even be laughing at me right now for such a late self-realization. There are so many things that I do know about myself, but this one fully bloomed over the last 10-12 weeks.

I truly protect myself a lot. I know I've done it in dating for sure. I'm at the age now (46 is too close) that I just don't want to even try if the man isn't worth a broken heart. I'm not into "many fish on the sea" motto. I have values, beliefs, goals and I'm unwilling to put those aside to just "date to date." I know there are ways to open up more in this arena but I haven't found the one that works for me yet.

I know though that that is a lesson God is trying to teach me right now. Though now I know I have a sensitive heart, I also know that I need to share it more, regardless of it breaking. I need to take more risks and get out of my comfort zone. I know without a doubt that God will bless it but I'm still afraid of that pain. It's too painful now just to know that my brother is in a hospital fighting Covid and I can't help him. I'd trade him places if I could, not that I want to ever experience this, but I'd do it so he didn't. My brother and I may be very different but I love him dearly. 

I don't know where to start or where yet I need to break out of my comfort zone - my job, my dating life, where I lay my head to sleep at night - but I know I have to work to be open to anything.

And I think my mom is right - I've gotten the same vibes literally and truly - that God has kept me in this place to be available, almost protected, for some things I can see clearly, and some reasons I won't know until later.

My take away today is that I need to be open to possibilities beyond my vision when they come into my presence. I'm now praying for God to open me to what that is or those may be.

I hope that today you take even a tiny step in a direction that improves your life. Have a great Saturday!

Lots of love,
Tiffany 💋 


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