Time, and healing

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It's a better day today. When you lose a loved one, and almost a year to the day that his brother/your other Uncle passed, grief can sneak up on you. Four years before, my 19 year old cousin died from a car accident. This side of my family has experienced a lot of grief in a short period of time.


Though I don't see them often, my heart goes out to them and what the next few months and few years will be like. My prayers are focused on them, and that they will seek Him for comfort instead of the vices of this world. Regardless, its going to take time, and lots of it, to heal.


We all heal in different ways. Yesterday was very hard for me personally. I can't put myself ever in the position that my cousins or my grandmother or myother and her sisters are in - but I just didn't want to go to work. I was very down with not just my family's situation but with all the devastation from Hurricane Ida, the CA fires, and the massive craziness happening in Afghanistan. I'm sad, hurt, and angry, with a side of depression. I didn't want to share it with my mom because of what she is going through right now - but I did. And she had the best advice, "Be a blessing today." 


Wow. Four of the most wonderful words I've ever heard. Though my heart was (and still is) heavy for my family and what comes next, those words inspired me to stay at work and to be a blessing for my students. None know that my uncle passed, or what I feel - but each know that I was there for them that day - and today, too, and that's all they need to know.


I would love nothing more than to be in a position to take the day off and drive my mom to the airport - or take the week off and help my cousins plan for the memorial. That is not a position I am in right now. One of my goals of owning a studio or being self-employed/self-sufficient is that I can take time to be with family or friends when needed because I have the ability to - and especially because I have the financial stability to. I still don't have that. I'm striving for that. I'm committed because of that. It seems longer and longer away as I get further along but I expect that is normal when you get close to something you've always wanted but obstacles keep you from the final steps.


Anyway, my heart is still heavy today but it's lighter than yesterday. I'm reminded that the situation is not something that I can control. I have to let it go, and do my own healing, but still be available for who is around me currently. I have 8 lessons today, and only two and half weeks to three weeks until I am secluded to my bed for awhile in an effort to heal a body part.


Hearts healing are much harder and take much more time, but they heal. I hope that as I go a second day under my mom's advice that you, too, are a blessing to someone you come in contact with today. Anyone. You never know who needs you in any moment.


Lots of love,

Tiffany 💋


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