The Aftermath, and the positive

I know I should not have done more than half of what I did this weekend. Its a rare time where I feel completely isolated, but I did everyday this weekend. I felt claustrophobic at home. It was the fault of no one I live with. I just didn't want to be home. It both cost me, and defined me. Two opposite things that I needed. Two lessons learned. 

Though I didn't go crazy, the $200 dollars outside my budget, though seemingly small, right now could potentially be big. It doesn't make me broke, but it does make me tighten my belt the next 10 days, and it shifts my Dr's appt copay to come from a different account. Normally, that $200 dollars would be part of my monthly fun budget. Yes, I budget in my fun - which usually gets spent on wine I don't have room for. So normally that would be ok. This month however, I've got a blood test and a pre-op Dr visit co pay that will total close to $200. I re-budgeted for it but then didn't stick to it. Again, I'm ok but it teaches me a lesson - I'm still not quite there when it comes to having discipline that I need for my finances. I failed this months test - but at least I'm in a better situation than before with no debt hanging over me and an emergency fund, though small, is in my life.

In the aftermath of my long, playful Labor Day weekend, I'm also more confident in who I am. The positive side. I blog pretty openly about some things in my life. It may seem to people brave, or to others very silly, arrogant, or unnecessary, you know, TMI. Maybe it is at times, but its also my way of expressing myself while having no one next to me to talk to - and I've been encouraged by others that my inner thoughts out in the open has helped people. I may have only gotten a handful of people who privately message me, but its enough that makes me ok sharing what I feel I can or should share, if just to help one person.

Maybe I share too much, and I understand that thought, too. Right now what I'm sharing is me being vulnerable and me in a transitional period. As much as I'm stronger than ever in my person, I'm also having days that I'm completely lost. Like completely lost. Somehow I still find reason to put one foot in front of the other and have a good day; or sometimes I make a comment to somebody that I should've just stayed in bed. But the one thing that's consistent is that I put one foot in front of the other, and some days that's a monumental step in my life at the moment.

These documented thoughts, too, will be a way for me to see my growth, too. And I have grown in multiple ways - grown up, grown into more of myself, grown away from right and wrong people/relationships, grown in being an adult, grown in circumference (ha! Had to put a funny one in there), grown in life in general. And sometimes I've grown badly too and have had to start over in ways.

But today I sit here, having finished my breakfast, still drinking my coffee and have forgiven myself for last weekend. I am aware of my decisions, their impact and have accepted responsibility. I also don't regret meeting anyone I did, or those God kept from me...and I acknowledge He kept me safe through it all.

I hope you had a wonderful Labor Day weekend, and you are confident in you and what you do this week. Time for me to finish getting ready to go to work.

Lots of Love,

Tiffany 💋