Final day of vacation, plus loneliness

Today is our final day in Oregon. My grandmother, who I call Mimi, and I will make the 7 hour trek home (for me 8 hr and 15 minute trek) tomorrow as soon as we're ready. But today is a brunch with most of our family who lives here (a few are away this week or can't make it). Its such a great thing to have a family come together for you just so they can visit you. This family has always done that. I wish all my families did. 

No I mean they really ALL get together. My other families, maybe a few people - not the whole family build a bbq, a brunch, a lunch and aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, etc, all get together for a few hours. I so love this about my mom's mom's family. It is awesome! I also feel like I don't deserve it either - my grandma does but not always me - mr. guilt strikes again! But I am always, always so appreciative of it. So much thankfulness from your girl right here.

I have had a very good vacation. Starting on my own, I really needed the alone time. I could've taken the whole week to myself and been happy. But I think by doing this, coming to visit family I haven't really spent time with for 25 years (as of this actual week!) will be looked back on so warmly. I have already been encouraged to expand my ever growing foray into wine tasting and learning about wine more into Oregon so I can visit more. It is something that I've already decided to do. Anyone want to split a hotel room in the Williamette Valley next year???? My family is several hours to the south but I can take a few days to visit them and meet you up north...a few may even join us! Anyway, I'm so very happy I did this with my Mimi. It is going to make the best memories.

LONELINESS

I read a post today from a colleague about loneliness and feeling alone. He mentioned that he had everything and was still feeling lonely. He somewhat diagnosed himself during the long post and I agree with a lot of what he said. As some of you know, I have talked, blogged, written about mine in the past - about my struggle of being single, my desire to have a family but also to be independent, and a business owner either of my writing, or my ballroom career. I've also written about how I've grown through it and how I've learned to be loving of myself no matter where I am in life - to be in the moment and not fret about the future and the past. 

I've also talked about my faith. My faith in God has gotten me through a lot of things. I see so many around me reaching for things similar but it doesn't fulfill them. They keep searching; they use cards with saying on them, their sign charts, study the stars and celestial things, copy what another person is doing, they seek things of the world only. As I can't lead anyone to God or help them build a relationship - that's their choice and between them and God - I can give my two cents on why I'm so content in being me 100% and not letting loneliness, depression, being lost guide my daily life. At the end of each day, each thought, each decision or lack thereof, I have peace because I know God is with me, Jesus died on a cross to save my life, that nothing and no one can make me feel anything I don't want to feel.

Now, do I still feel those ways at times? Yes. But its not the same as what I think my colleague, and others, are feeling. When you have that one thing that you know is the center of your life, those feelings are very temporary. The love you feel is just nothing that anything in this world - even a mothers love - can compare to. So, at the end of my days, no matter how I'm feeling, or how lost or unsure of what decision to make, I know that whatever one comes will be at the right time, the right one, and one that I will grow from. I'm truly starting to believe that there are really no regrets to even our bad decisions if we learn and grow from them. 

My hope and prayer is that my colleague - and others - if he hasn't yet, will find Christ and will know that kind of love - or will re-find it. Because the one thing that I did see clearly - at least from my Christ-focused eyes - was that there wasn't a lot of real hope. You can't put hope in this world or even people - you can put hope in someone who died for you before you were even born. 

I will say this last thing - a lot of the issues of this world are because we've locked God away in a drawer somewhere we can't remember, and used the "universe" or worldly things to help us - and if we fully open our eyes we'll see that those things are only temporary fixes. When that God-shaped hole is filled with actually God, there is no comparison to the hope and love you can feel even in moments of crisis. We are human after all. We are not God.

Okay, I am off my soapbox now. I hope you don't just throw my words away. Seek for yourself. If you have before, seek again. Christians - I am one - are as flawed as everyone else. We just have a God that is gracious and gives unconditional love. But we fail Him daily; so don't put your non-belief in a person, seek Him only. Again, though, it is your free will not to and I can't judge you for that. Anyway, I have friends of all faiths, but at the end of the day, they know what I believe and who I am. 

I have had a lovely vacation, and I'm looking forward to a great last day with family. I hope your past week and the rest of your weekend brings you joy, peace and the refreshing you need to start the next work week. I am fully aware with all the driving I'll have to do tomorrow that I may not start work very refreshed, but I know God will give me the strength and wisdom everyday to do my job to the best of the ability He has given me - that, and maybe He'll give me more coffee to stay awake and alert through all the days! Ha!

Lots of love,

Tiffany 💋