What a difference a week makes, and living with Mr. No Common Sense

Last week, about this time, I was wondering where I was really going. You don't make huge life decisions while emotional; nor should you make them when you are unsure of your current circumstances. The few of you who have read this know that I think I'm truly in a mid-life phase - and I would now venture to call it more of a pruning, but I'll explain that later.

To set up what I want to share today I have to go back two summers. I returned to Indiana for the first time in the seven years since I left it in June 2019. I was able to get some needed relaxation for a lower cost than any vacation I could've taken and I was able to see some of the best people on this planet - my friends! It was such a fun trip - but I left Indiana knowing that I wasn't interested in moving back. You see, I was literally afraid that if I visited I would want to go back - and though I didn't want to move again, I also was growing very tired of California and my life here. That trip though gave me an answer that I was able to move forward with, even though still uncertain. 

Nine months later, the pandemic hit. I was now forced to stay in my home - literally a room - because I was deemed "non-essential." Though it was my job that was deemed that, when you are what you do then its the same as identifying as being non-essential. I had an opportunity to think because that's all I could do. While some others I know were having to work harder, I was told to stay inside to "keep those around you safe - and yourself, of course." I could've easily made a decision to start over. I kind of did; and I kind of didn't.

I walked twice a day, and took in for the first time my surroundings. I enjoyed the peace of the days (well, once I'd internally and externally dealt with whatever level of Jumanji we were on that day) and took advantage of the time by really restructuring my self-care. I was available for friends and family when they were in need; and I did my best to help in other ways those I could around me. It was nice. 

God also blessed me with some financial things so I though I found myself jobless for a time, I was okay. In fact, I paid off all my debt and became debt free. I stayed there until I financed my car in November. Dave Ramsey would not be happy with me - but it was something that needed to be done and I wasn't about to sink money into a clunker. My goal is to pay it off sooner though, and Dave Ramsey taught me how to do that - though I still wish I could've bought it outright.

Today, I sit here at the peninsula in the kitchen, contemplating on how a few things have changed in the last week - and how very much they've also stayed the same. Without going into details I don't have yet or saying anything that I can't yet, I am both scared and overwhelmingly excited about my future. I'm also tired. I don't mean physically, mentally, emotionally. I'm talking life tired. Pursuing certain things in life just exhaust you - and even though they are getting closer to becoming real, I'm tired of pursuing.

I am encouraged to press on though - that's the important thing. I have a vacation coming up the end of next month. I'm not flying anywhere. In fact, I'm not going anywhere I can't drive. I'm going to take a week and not think of work, look at TI's, worry about lesson plans, how much $ we have coming in, when we'll have staff again, etc. I'm not thinking about where I will live next, how many hoops I have to jump through to rent a place, about my credit score, or what I have to save to get to my next goal. No, I'm not thinking about anything. I'm going to do the same thing I did last year for two and a half months sitting in my room quarantined - I'm going to enjoy life, God, this earth, who He has made me (flaws and all). I'm just going to appreciate life and the things in life I love, period.

On a side note, I'm also very happy that my landlords/roommates will be home on Sunday. After being on a country-wide vacation for the last five weeks, I'll actually be happy for them to be home. Yes, I like them, but having the house to myself has mostly been nice. I say mostly because Mr. No Common Sense also lives here. I have multiple pictures I've taken while they've been gone to show what has gone on since they've been gone - if asked. A few thinks were safety concerns for my own person, but it wasn't due to their physicality, just to their lack of common sense for daily things. I talked to him about some of the big ones so that was good - but there were so many things that I just let go. I only rent here so if I can just compromise and move on, that's what I do. Though I've enjoyed these past five weeks with a mostly empty home, I'm so glad that they are coming back!

Sitting here today, a week removed from my last blog post, I'm more stable and understanding of the pruning God is doing in me. It's too early to really know what the shape will be - but I've made decisions and have a mindset that is more molded to what it's supposed to be, and what it is not supposed to be. I can sleep easy in knowing that I'm on the right track now even if the destination of that track isn't 100% clear. It's definitely clear-er!

I hope you finish this last day of the work week strong, and that your weekend finds you enjoying the things that bring you the most joy! I intend to rest, clean, and enjoy one of my last three-day weekends, as we will be adding Mondays into the rotation sooner than later. 

Lots of Love,

Tiffany 💋