New Week, and New Plan

 I stand by whatever I post and say - even when things change and I need to apologize for wrong thinking or judgements. It was revealed to me this morning why I'm so introspective, or for lack of that being the best word, and having to post about all my thoughts in the past week. First I need to share a few things - then I can reveal to you what was revealed to me.

I had a wonderful weekend. It started out with washing/drying half my laundry and cleaning my bathroom, then I headed out for a church service at my friends church. It was very free flowing and small. But it was perfect for me that day. We sang (well, I didn't know the words), and one of the regular members lead our study that day of a passage. It was on God's sovereignty. Such a timely message for me and really for a lot in our world today (but that's, again, a post for another time). Anyway, it was a great way to start my weekend, really getting into God's word first. After that, I left to go help someone but I ended up not being needed so I started my errands early and then got home to finish cleaning/laundry and some personal things. 

Sunday started with my Bible study, Living Word, and our continuing study of Genesis. Guess what chapter we're on? Yep, you may have guessed it: Chapter 22 when Abraham has the faith to take his only son Isaac to sacrifice as an offering. If you don't know the story, read it before you judge it. Anyway, the faith that Abraham had in God really stuck me differently this time - and the addition of knowing just how far God went to have a forever relationship with us I was not only reminded of but again broken inside for. I shouldn't need to be reminded about that forever, unconditional love but I do - and God chooses the best things to remind me. 

The rest of the day I had planned for Carmel - and it was a truly lovely day. I had a wine tasting at a winery I quickly joined a few months ago and I was reminded why I joined it. Then I ate part of my picnic lunch in my car while I changed into my suit. For the first time in about tow years - I wore a bathing suit on the beach! It was overcast and there were sprinkles but the temperature was absolutely perfect. And the waves were mysterious and majestic through the foggy, misty low clouds. A very different kind of beautiful but beautiful nonetheless.

I also found out that my favorite restaurant in that area was finally opened. I like a lot of places there, but I really adore Sticks, and how you can sit outside and have the best chili ever while drinking hot chocolate or a cocktail in front of a firepit looking towards Spanish Bay golf course and the ocean. Its my favorite. So I had dinner there - and I hadn't planned on having dinner. I had planned on heading home about 6 p.m. But I didn't head home until almost 9 p.m. It was a great day.

Then yesterday, I did a little more house cleaning since its a big house and I'm cleaning it on my own basically (my roommates are gone for another 2 weeks, and their son who also lives here really doesn't help with the house). Then I went to run a few errands (including vacuuming most of the sand out of my car) and then got home to start dinner early. I had a friend coming over for the first time for dinner with the permission of my roommates. It was a great visit and conversation. I enjoyed it greatly and was reminded of God's goodness.

Here is where I finally "reveal" what was revealed to me. I just want to spend time with God. That's it. I want to pray and read the Bible and be in His Word all the time. I don't want to work or plan or do or go anywhere, anything. I just want to fellowship with Him. I am thirsty right now for His guidance, and that makes me so joyful! I've been praying about this for a long time - I felt like He just was silent with me for whatever reason. Now its like He's inviting me for a good long talk. Something that I've missed out on for awhile. That's because of me though, not Him. But He waited until I was ready to hear Him. 

Reading James reminded me this morning that even life can be a trial at times - it doesn't have to be the ones we normally see as trials either (anxieties, health issues, deaths, relationship problems, etc). It can be just the monotony of daily life - of doing the same thing over and over trying to get and be and stay motivated but nothing working. But last night and today, I realized why I was feeling those ways. Though I'd pray daily before going into work to bless the studio, staff and students, my heart was just heavy and weary. I see that now.

It still is - it hasn't changed overnight. But my inner being was thirsty. That God-shaped hole was thirsty and I wasn't seeing how to feed it properly. I spend time this morning the way I should've all this time - not looking for breathing techniques, or meditations, but with Him. Meditating, praying. We can so easily let the "good" things in this world replace Him. There's a l.ot of good things; but they aren't usually Godly - and that's why a lot of this world questions why things are going the way they are going. We took God out because we think we are good enough on our own.

Okay, I'm going to stop there. I don't have time to get on my soapbox today. I have a very weird Tuesday schedule that will challenge me. As much as I want to call off work and really reset myself now that I truly know what was missing - and how God is pruning me - I can't let my students and my coworker and my bosses down. But I know how to spend my night and my mornings this week until the weekend when its my time and I can spend as much time as I want - and though I should've always known, God needed me to seek it for awhile.

I hope you have a great day, and find some time to seek peace.

Lots of love,

Tiffany 💋