My bosses vacation, and more lessons for me

 My franchisees, Juan de Dios and Cari Jo, are finishing a much deserved vacation with family. They have withstood so many things in the last year - I'd venture to even say the last two and half years - that have tested their strength, wisdom, determination, and life-changing goals. Owning two studios in the most legalistic county in the state and arguably the nation, has really tested our ability to stay afloat. Too many restrictions where there didn't need to be really should've closed us down. That was not an option for them. They didn't make it an option, because it just isn't in their eyes. They pivoted. 

More so, they encouraged us to pivot, and opened up possibilities in themselves to expand to realms they only dreamt of. In fact, they EXPANDED themselves personally and professionally. Who does that during a pandemic? Well, the most successful of people do. They don't lay down; they don't say 'well, since I can't do business the way I'm used to I guess I gotta close'; they don't think inside the box at all; they don't hear no and obey; they hear no and find another way; they don't at all have a victim mentality. It is completely inspiring; plus, they moved forward losing 2/3's of their staff. The third left was either brand new or a then 44-year old in a business that 20's-30's reign supreme for the most part. They proved though that no matter the age, experience, or situation, that they can and will always succeed.

I don't mean any of this to put down myself or my co-worker; no, we earned our stripes, too, and should be proud of how we pivoted and how we're still focused on helping to take these two studios beyond what they were even before the pandemic. For the last two days last week and today, the two of us have held down the fort as they say, as the two people we chose as mentors take a much needed break. We'll see Cari tomorrow and Thursday and then on our own again Friday. We are trusted and trained and ready to do what we need to support them and our current and future students.

This past weekend, I thought a lot about this. I thought a lot about how people have responded to the pandemic, and how I've responded. There are days that I'm proud of how I responded; but there are days that I see how much more I could've done. However, I don't regret any of my responses, because they were what I needed at the time. That's such a big lesson to learn. We respond to each situation sometimes differently. It's how we move forward afterwards that makes all the difference.

On another note, sometimes our responses hurt others intentionally or unintentionally. Its how we seek forgiveness or apologize that makes a difference. For example, a friend apologized a few months ago for something that really was un-called for, but they followed it up with an excuse that didn't excuse it. For me, it was the last straw in spending any of my personal time with this person unless it was on the phone - at least for awhile (that relationship has a lot of repairs but is repairable, as I believe all relationships are if we chose it). An apology, no matter how much we want to excuse our behavior, has to only be an apology. If it isn't, then why are we saying we're sorry when we are clearly not? Apologies should come from the heart and be genuine. For the past few years, I've really been learning how to apologize or not say "I'm sorry" when it's not warranted. Saying I'm sorry to someone because they are going through something is not relevant. What do I have to be sorry for when I had nothing to do with it? But it's how we react - and you know what else? - it can slowly seep into another persons consciousness to the point that they blame us for the predicament they are in when we have no connection to it at all. Its only because we care about that person or sympathize or empathize do we say I'm sorry. It can - and has in my life - led to that person questioning our friendship/relationship with them and saying that if we were a better friend that they wouldn't have made a bad decision, or whatever it was. All of a sudden, we are to blame for their life decisions. I haven't just seen it in my life; I've seen it in people around me on both sides of that coin - the accuser and the manipulated. Its so frustrating! 

But then I remember that at some point, I've been the accuser, too. At the end of the day, we are in control of every decision every day of our lives. No one else has that authority - unless we give it to them - and that is still our authority to give. Its a vicious cycle when we don't take responsibility for our decisions.

So badly right now I want a certain person to apologize to me; to understand that their previous non-apologies and previous behaviors were not okay no matter what they were going through. That is not something I can expect though; it isn't on me to force someone to apologize or to see from my perspective. What I have to do is try to see from their perspective and if its clear its not true, then I have to make a decision to be close to or not be close to that person. How much am I willing to work to repair that relationship? Is it repairable - meaning will both do the work, or will it only be me which doesn't do any good? Or was it just meant for a reason, a season but not for a lifetime? We have to carefully weigh how we will respond.

Then we have to stay true to our person, and essentially to that person. Honestly is great; if it's coming from the right place. Some people are honest but its to hurt the other person, or intentionally narcissistic in nature. That is honesty that is hurtful because it aims to hurt, not help. 

Today, as I finish this then finish getting ready for work, I had these thoughts from the weekend. But essentially, I have had these thoughts because I'm in a big transition personally - maybe not physically yet in moving to my own place, or just having a healthier number on the scale - but internally I'm at a place that I'm figuring out the kind of people I want to be near and who I want to take with me to the next 40 years in life. Also, when is my goal of being a franchisee over, or is it just beginning? Am I supposed to do something else eventually that I can't see will make me happier/more joyful than I am now and I've used ballroom because its a safe place for me? Or have I just scratched the surface and God is pruning me until its time to take that leap and that leap will be huge but easier than I imagined? Am I making things harder then they really are?

What I do know is that I have and will never regret getting to know people like Juan de Dios and Cari Jo. I still don't know why they are okay with me being in their orbit; but I also know that's my insecurity talking around two people who may be just as insecure as me in ways that I wouldn't ever imagine. And maybe I inspire them in ways I will never know. Maybe God put me in their orbit because of what He needs for them to see. I have no idea; and I probably never will. At the end of the day, as cliche as it is, I know that I'm where I need to be right now and if I have regrets then I'm to make sure that those regrets become learning experiences. I really believe we shouldn't have any regrets in life. We should learn from them, grow from them, apologize genuinely if we need to, forgive others or ourselves or both, and move forward. A whole lot of people keep a whole lot of pain inside - and it colors their decisions. When we can work through and release that pain, and move forward then we will be more whole people and more wholey ourselves. Yes, I created a new word. But that takes a lot of time and a lot of hard work that people just aren't willing to do - they'd rather stay in that unhealthy comfort zone. I don't want to be a part of encouraging that.

Anyway, its also the reason why I've had to set huge boundaries with a person in my life. They do and depend on people to help them "feel better" but don't really follow through in working things out for themselves. Its my unwillingness to be an enabler that keeps me from spending time with them outside of texting or phone calls. That is my decision - whether right or wrong - because I've been an enabler in the past to the point that I even blamed myself for someone else's bad decisions. That was happening with this friend. I should've already learned that lesson. I am doing what's right by me - and them - by keeping lines open but distant. Because whether they rejoin Facebook or re-friend me on Facebook (they just disappeared on Facebook literally but that could've been the treatment centers request) and read any of my blogs, I know that I've tried to communicate this to them over the past few years, and was my genuine self. When I had the chance to spell it out, I found out they were yet again in a treatment center so I let it go and just sent encouraging texts and kept praying for them. But the words written could be hurtful, and I realize that fully. I've made the decision that its okay if that is the response; it's a valid one. But also making sure that my person is protected is important, too. There are so many people that can use my help or my advice and my presence and it be appreciated. I know now that its okay to move on when something isn't right. And it doesn't have to be a hateful or unfortunate situation. It can be a mutually beneficial break. I could be a trigger for this person; and maybe they need me to be away from them. I have to be okay with that, too. Its a hard thing to accept but sometimes we aren't meant to be with people we were once close with. I always want to be someone's friend. I love being a friend and having friends; but I'm not to be everyone's friend. Its just a truth in life we all need to learn.

Anyway, I had a lot to say today - and maybe for awhile - as I process what might be my version of a mid-life crisis. Today, though, I get to go help people through their day and with their life goals, expectations or just give them a safe place from the world outside our studio doors. And that helps fill me up greatly.

I hope you have a great day and week this week - and through it all that you learn something, learn how cool you are, how not cool you are, and are okay with both.

Lots of love,

Tiffany 💋