A recurring habit, and changing your tune

Do you ever re-read what you wrote, like a thousand times? Yes? No? Well, I do. It can be both comforting and un-nerving. In any moment, we can change what we thought the moment before. Guess what? There's a few things that have changed for me since my first blog post this week. I'm not taking those posts down though - why? Because they were me authentically at the time. 

And, I still agree and stand by what I wrote, as good or bad as it was. As I grow and learn, and become more of who I am - with a few wrong turns on the way - I am growing to be uniquely and beautifully Tiffany Ellen Pereira. Though most would say I'm young - truly I'm halfway through my life if God lets me live to be 90. My grandfathers have passed before their 90's; my grandmother in her early 80's; and my remaining "Miracle Grandma" I hope to see live at least the next 10 years (she'd be 91). But right now, at 45, I figure I'm halfway through my life. That's where all this thinking is coming from. Well, that's not really true. I'm a Melancholy/Phlegmatic, and I can paralyze myself with too much thinking (but that's a post for another time).

The fact is though that we also make the same mistakes multiple times, lose people in our lives (and sometimes can't get them back), and read situations wrong then judge them wrongly. Sometimes, though, we read a situation so right that it angers people - because they don't want to take responsibility for their actions even if we showed them in a loving way. At that point, they attack us in the ways they know that hurts us the most so to protect their own person. Oh, I've seen this so much in the last year - and even in myself!

In today's time/culture, it's all about me. I've sometimes fallen into the trap of "Me first." Mental health nowadays is so important. I agree with that whole-heartedly - please don't misunderstand me. There are those though who abuse that concept. People who just don't want to deal with the normal ups and downs of life use this as a crutch. They know who they are. Yet, we don't see the signs in others that they need help because they hide it - and then something really bad happens and we see their personal destruction killing innocents around them. It is such a slippery slope. At the end of the day, yes, mental health is important and taking care of "me."

But I challenge you to really look at your situation. Are you overwhelmed with life? Or is it just that you don't want to make the hard decisions? Did someone's actions really affect you? Or have you made a bad decision but have used someone else to blame it on? This happens a lot. Its so easy, too. Take this example: Person A is in a bad situation where they live and work because of disagreements they have with people there - instead of working through those disagreements, they jump ship at work and find a new place to live - one they can't afford even - and all of a sudden for about a week everything is great. Then everyone at work and where Person A now lives are horrible again. Person A then jumps ship and finds a new place to live again - then does this at least two more times but never sees that maybe there's something that they are doing causing this to happen multiple times. In those four or five times, there was only one constant: Person A. We have all done this in some way; I just used this scenario because it is easy to understand for anyone.

We chalk a scenario like this up to needing to "take care of me." Instead of seeing what the real problem is within us that is allowing these things to happen over and over, we jump ship and don't do the hard stuff. We do things that will make us "feel better" but not really make us better or whole. It's a recurring habit, and one that unless some people who care about us say something, or we come to that realization for ourselves, we'll stay in this and stay "unhealthy" and not know why. Sometimes we even find we have a chemical imbalance and need help from medication to balance - but sometimes its just our learned habits and behaviors. It's important to understand which it is to stop our unhealthy cycles.

So now I have to get to the hard part for me: I jumped ship in my life. I did. I admit it. There are times I can tell you clearly that I took the easy way out. I jumped ship with people. Instead of having a non-emotional conversation about a disagreement, I jumped ship to protect myself. And if I was able to work through my emotions to a point that I could go back after and revisit that disagreement in a better, more adult way, I didn't do it. I had the chance several times to take responsibility and apologize/at the least have a productive conversation but I chickened out on all of it.

And that's what we do, too. We chicken out. We don't want to be vulnerable and we want to stay on our high horses because we are right. Even if we are though, we still have to find a way to really see the other persons perspective then find common ground. I'm so bad at this; I wear my heart on my sleeve most of the time - and when someone does something or says something that really "chaps my hide" or is against what I stand for, its hard for me to not show my emotions. I may not yell or scream, but my face sure shows what I'm feeling. 

But when we do all these things - we actually are able to see someone else's perspective (even if we know we're right...again that's another blog post) - and are able to compromise but they aren't, then that's when its out of our control, and we should move on without regrets.

I changed my tune today - quite literally. I can't say exactly with what but re-reading my blog posts this week was truly cathartic. I still stand by every word but I hope with the actions I will do today to help move forward in certain things and relationships, will give me closure to some of these thoughts that have dominated my mind this week. Sometimes we have to write down our inner thoughts, read them, either be encouraged or appalled by them, then take action to make them better for next time. Make yourself better for any future issues of the like.

One more thing about "me time:" We work so much in this current time period, and I mean we work a lot and don't enjoy it. In my case, I love my job but my job takes away a lot of my energy internally (not just physically, but more emotionally, mentally). I need to have "me time" fairly regularly, but it doesn't have to be going somewhere, spending a lot of money, wine tasting, beaches, mountains, islands, foreign countries. Sometimes it just needs to be a blog post, a quiet time of prayer for 20 minutes, a yoga or pilates session, a walk around the neighborhood, just staying home for two days and doing nothing. Don't put so much pressure on every weekend being spectacular or a 2-day spa day. Yes, we need those sometimes, but maybe not every time. Sometimes its enough to just make sure you do one thing every day that gives you five minutes of just being you and liking you. Love you for who you are. Be real though when it's not about "me first" but about taking responsibility for the life you live and your decisions. There is a difference between the two. The more we understand that difference, the better relationships we make and better lives we live.

Okay, that's me for today. I hope you have a great day this Thursday, and a great one on Friday before most of us start our weekend. I hope that whether you are single or have a family that you have the weekend you need to refill you for the coming week of work.

Lots of love,

Tiffany💋