My own grass...

Nowadays those three words can mean so many things, a lot of which we can be nieve to. But for me and my current life, its a 2-folded meaning. 

Recently, I shared about how I felt my life was good. All the ways I know I'm blessed. But one thing I didn't mention was how I got to this space by not worrying about what others had or what others thought I should do. I stuck to my guns and moved forward in what I knew I should do. And I succeeded in accomplishing the first 3 steps. Now I'm working on the 4th and 5th: creating a better retirement plan and buying a new car in cash in the next 6-9 months. 

The latter has gotten many "whys" and many "wouldn't it be better to build credit to finance?" As I've explained for hundreds of times now (and I'm sure it'll go thousands soon), I don't want to live a life with payments (outside of a mortgage). Necessary bills like electric and internet, phone service, etc, are one thing, but for things I can save up for and buy outright? No. No thank you on payments and interest. And it has nothing to do with my credit. It's in a very good space now after years of working through the identity theft and cleaning it of "their" credit. The only thing I might need to use it for would be a house. But my thoughts on that are next.

I have always only wanted a "home" when I could build one with my husband. For a long time, I didn't want or need to buy a home on my own. It wasn't a desire or concern for me. Renting was just fine; and though I was in a place that I lived for awhile, I knew derp down that I was still mobile. It's so much easier to be mobile without a commitment. It's also a sign that I've not been in a place that I felt settled. 

I'm feeling settled a lot more now. I don't think I'll live in this area forever but having a place to call home is something in my mindset now - even if I have to sell it in a short period of time after I buy it. It's a desire now - with or without a husband - and its a sign that internally I'm settled as a person. 

I don't know why I've not met a man I want to spend the rest of my life with - and by extension for me - to have no children. These are two desires I have had. But what I do know is that I'm not and have never been jealous of those things that people around me have. I haven't been in a place to be stable enough to have that, and I'm smart enough to know that they won't define me anymore than I'm defined now.

I also know that there is a lot of love built in this body - so when I do meet that man I want to share my life with and have kids with or that child God puts me in a position to adopt or us to adopt - I'm ready to build relationships with and move forward.

So I'm not worried about someone else's grass, or what they think of mine. I'm working on my own - financial independence, husband, child, and home. I can only control 2 of those - financial independence and my home life. The other two I still believe will happen when the time is right.

I hope you love your "grass" today, no matter what that is for you, and keep moving forward. Don't worry about how yours compares to anothers. 

Lots of love,

Tiffany 💋