11,160 steps

That's the number of steps today that it took me to walk around the neighborhood (3.0 miles and 7,593 steps) and to finish a latin fitness class (4,007 steps) that my bosses have started. I'm beat!  

But I laughed at myself because that's about 1/10th of the steps we need to take in a day to better ourselves, work on our issues, help others more and just be good human beings!  If I can improve myself everyday making 11,160 steps forward, I wouldn't be so much of a work in progress. Ha!

But today I decided that though I have a pretty empty house to enjoy for about another four or five hours (my landlords left to stay overnight with some friends in Monterey; they'll be back by tonight), I'm going to use today to get out and do something fun. I'll be careful to social distance but I think its time that I trek to my favorite beach and even if I have to stay in my car and just drive the whole time, it will be good for my soul to just refresh. I've been heavy-hearted lately with some circumstances that actually have nothing to do with me but somehow has affected me. It's hard to let go and let things take their natural course, even if that is on a pathway that you've tried to avoid, or tried to help others avoid. But I'm only in charge of me so I can do my best to help...then I have to move forward.

Today is all about moving forward. I have some decisions to make. Though I won't be full time at my job still for awhile and the options I have for supplemental income have not panned out yet, I find myself in a position that I can give more to my retirement and have the ability to save for a new car in the next 6-9 months.  The biggest decision right now for me is whether to budget for a financial planner or to learn enough to go it on my own for awhile. I haven't been able to be consistent in my retirement and it was uber important to me to make sure I had no debts at all left in the case of something bad happening to me soon. We don't know the number of our days and I don't want to have my parents or my family be responsible to pay my debts (even if it was from my savings). Except for one check to clear, I'm debt free. I hope everyone can have this feeling that I have with not owing anything. I know one day that I'll owe on a house since its just so difficult to outright buy one, but I've learned it only takes time, discipline and sacrifice to pay for everything else. That's my plan moving forward; no more allowing past financial mistakes keep cycling. I've learned much better habits.

And I can't stay in the past or be reminded of the past in any way except to learn from it and move forward. I'm not the same person today than I was then, which could just be yesterday or 10 years ago. I keep getting myself stuck there or let people keep me back there....and every therapist I've had has said the same thing, "Tiffany, what happened in the past and the feelings are valid but they are not to stay. Once you've worked through them, learn from them and let them go." I'm paraphrasing of course but that's what a good therapist will do or say. They'll help you past a hurt - show you why you hurt - and sometimes, if needed, how you might have actually led yourself to that hurt (a lot of times, it's our own selves that lead to others hurting us either by being self-centered or not even acknowledging our own faults and failures - instead we blame everybody but the one who is to blame - us). It is so much easier to say that "you hurt me" or "its your fault" - so much easier. At this point in my life, I accept that I'm not a perfect person and will still make mistakes but I know 100% that I am completely blessed to have the friends and family that I have across this great country of ours....and some pretty incredible ones in foreign countries (you know who you are across the pond, hint hint) to help me move forward even if they have to give me "tough love." 

So today is all about moving forward - giving myself time and space to relax so I can think clearly, or at least put me in a space so when the answer comes today, tomorrow or weeks from now, I'll be ready to hear it and act on it.

I know very few people read this blog but to the ones that do, I hope that my openness and honesty is helpful. I know I'm nieve to some things but I try my best to be a better person everyday and share my experiences, my flaws, failures and how I got up or past them. I hope that it helps, or at least entertains you.

It is sincerely that I sign off today saying that I hope you do something today - and every day - that makes you happy. Even if you're depressed or anxious or sick or in an impossible situation, I hope there is something that comes to mind that gives you pause to be joyful in the blessings you do have, and not the ones you don't. If we took the time to think about it, the blessings we do have will always out-number the ones that we don't. If we can all just realize that and focus on the good blessings a little more then we'd be happier and this world would be a better place by extension.

But now its time for me to take a shower from all my sweaty workout, and head to one of the most calming places for me - the beach!

Lots of love to you,

Tiffany