2020 and being non-essential
April 4, 2020
It has not been the 2020 that we were all probably looking for. Sometimes though, the unexpected can be just what we didn't know we needed. Let me explain as I probably ramble this along.
This year started out for me with working through the passing of my paternal grandmother and a self-imposed mandatory 2 week vacation to compose myself from a hard, lesson-learning year for me. I try very hard to be someone that people can depend on and also not worry about - especially at work. Working for two of the best in this world at what they do is an honor, a joy, and intimidating. I try really hard not to be but wouldn't you be if you worked for a leader in your field? You want to do your best and some days its not enough. I realized at just the right time that I needed to refresh and rejuvenate myself so I took two weeks off this year instead of one. Though it wasn't fun to attend my grandmother's funeral on my brothers birthday during the first of those two weeks, it was also a blessing to be around family for all that time.
Then January 1st happened and I decided on a new outlook. Keeping that outlook has proven to be more than difficult. Going back to work presented some of the same and then a few newer challenges - in effect trying to get me to fail as soon as I started! It took awhile - but I was finally able to let go of some things that I knew I couldn't control. I focused on the things I could control and the positive of having a stable financial outlook for the first time in about 15 years. Add a financially positive surprise, and I finally felt I could breathe normally without thinking that if I did the other shoe would drop and take it all away. And then Covid-19 came into our lives. Shoe dropped. Or did it?
I sit here now at the end of the 18th day of a possible 47 (so far) of quarantine and I'm mostly at peace. It's not that I don't have moments that I get worried about my job continuing, or that I can pay my bills, or that as an extrovert can't be around people or friends or go to the beach or Napa, etc., etc. But I have peace in my soul right now that is hard to explain. Im not saying it has been easy for me - but having been laid off before and having to search for a job did partially prepare me for something like this. I know how to keep myself busy and not feel completely unproductive and useless - and it would be so easy for me to feel that right now with being labeled a "non-essential" person simply for what I choose to do for a living. Part of the reason that I'm good at my job is because of who I am and the "non-essential" gifts that I possess that so many around me do not. They couldn't do what I do - and I can't do what they do. We each have our role and right now - to help humanity get well - I'm asked to stay home. I'm doing my part, for this moment in time.
The current total of weeks that I'm in mandatory quarantine is 1 day short of 7 weeks. With those 7 weeks everyone out there is giving so many people competing advice. Exercise more! Just relax and chill! Be productive! Change yourself! It's okay to lay on the couch for 7 weeks - no one should judge you! Take the time to fast and meditate! The list goes on and on. It's not all bad and it's not all good. I think we each need to do a little of each and it can be summed up this way - Love yourself and love others. It's just my opinion, but I think you have to do something to make sure you are okay which should include giving yourself time to be refreshed and time to feel productive - we all have some sort of desire to accomplish something. Those somethings are just different for each of us. And then we need to help those around us as much as we are able to. This thing that we are all going through right now we are all really going through together. Covid-19 doesn't discriminate. We are all in this. And there are some of us that are in better positions than others to help out. I'm one of those - but I live with two over 70 year olds and so I have to be careful. I'm not sure how I can help yet. I'm sure God will lead me there or show me at a later time how me having to be at home and writing or cleaning or doing silly 40 minute wine tasting in my room videos helped. I have no idea in this moment. The only thing I do know is that every time I pray, I pray for the growing prayer list that I've started from all this - and how I can be of help to my bosses, my family, my friends, the people I live with, and anyone I pass by while walking outside (practicing social distancing, of course).
I don't know if this will be over in 7 weeks or not - but I hope that at the end of it somehow I found a way to make myself better, those around me better - and by extension this world better. How about you?
It has not been the 2020 that we were all probably looking for. Sometimes though, the unexpected can be just what we didn't know we needed. Let me explain as I probably ramble this along.
This year started out for me with working through the passing of my paternal grandmother and a self-imposed mandatory 2 week vacation to compose myself from a hard, lesson-learning year for me. I try very hard to be someone that people can depend on and also not worry about - especially at work. Working for two of the best in this world at what they do is an honor, a joy, and intimidating. I try really hard not to be but wouldn't you be if you worked for a leader in your field? You want to do your best and some days its not enough. I realized at just the right time that I needed to refresh and rejuvenate myself so I took two weeks off this year instead of one. Though it wasn't fun to attend my grandmother's funeral on my brothers birthday during the first of those two weeks, it was also a blessing to be around family for all that time.
Then January 1st happened and I decided on a new outlook. Keeping that outlook has proven to be more than difficult. Going back to work presented some of the same and then a few newer challenges - in effect trying to get me to fail as soon as I started! It took awhile - but I was finally able to let go of some things that I knew I couldn't control. I focused on the things I could control and the positive of having a stable financial outlook for the first time in about 15 years. Add a financially positive surprise, and I finally felt I could breathe normally without thinking that if I did the other shoe would drop and take it all away. And then Covid-19 came into our lives. Shoe dropped. Or did it?
I sit here now at the end of the 18th day of a possible 47 (so far) of quarantine and I'm mostly at peace. It's not that I don't have moments that I get worried about my job continuing, or that I can pay my bills, or that as an extrovert can't be around people or friends or go to the beach or Napa, etc., etc. But I have peace in my soul right now that is hard to explain. Im not saying it has been easy for me - but having been laid off before and having to search for a job did partially prepare me for something like this. I know how to keep myself busy and not feel completely unproductive and useless - and it would be so easy for me to feel that right now with being labeled a "non-essential" person simply for what I choose to do for a living. Part of the reason that I'm good at my job is because of who I am and the "non-essential" gifts that I possess that so many around me do not. They couldn't do what I do - and I can't do what they do. We each have our role and right now - to help humanity get well - I'm asked to stay home. I'm doing my part, for this moment in time.
The current total of weeks that I'm in mandatory quarantine is 1 day short of 7 weeks. With those 7 weeks everyone out there is giving so many people competing advice. Exercise more! Just relax and chill! Be productive! Change yourself! It's okay to lay on the couch for 7 weeks - no one should judge you! Take the time to fast and meditate! The list goes on and on. It's not all bad and it's not all good. I think we each need to do a little of each and it can be summed up this way - Love yourself and love others. It's just my opinion, but I think you have to do something to make sure you are okay which should include giving yourself time to be refreshed and time to feel productive - we all have some sort of desire to accomplish something. Those somethings are just different for each of us. And then we need to help those around us as much as we are able to. This thing that we are all going through right now we are all really going through together. Covid-19 doesn't discriminate. We are all in this. And there are some of us that are in better positions than others to help out. I'm one of those - but I live with two over 70 year olds and so I have to be careful. I'm not sure how I can help yet. I'm sure God will lead me there or show me at a later time how me having to be at home and writing or cleaning or doing silly 40 minute wine tasting in my room videos helped. I have no idea in this moment. The only thing I do know is that every time I pray, I pray for the growing prayer list that I've started from all this - and how I can be of help to my bosses, my family, my friends, the people I live with, and anyone I pass by while walking outside (practicing social distancing, of course).
I don't know if this will be over in 7 weeks or not - but I hope that at the end of it somehow I found a way to make myself better, those around me better - and by extension this world better. How about you?
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